Friday, January 30, 2009

Do you own your pets, or do they own you?

People around here have been telling me all my life that dog's and cat's have no emotions, and that they weren't good for anything other than protection, herding cattle or sheep, or in the case of cat's, being mouser's.  These people just don't get it.  They don't understand what having dog or cat is all about.

Yes those aspects of dog's and cat's are good, but these people obviously haven't ever had a meaningful relationship with someone of the four-legged variety.  

Let's take Silverfish's dog Lucifer for instance.  He's a Doberman whom Silver "adopted" in July of 2007, he was 7 months old at the time.  Silver never adopted him, Lucifer adopted Silver!  He has since adopted me as well.  Quite frankly I think the mutts name should be Loki, not Lucifer.  Like, if he's to be named for a god, it may as well be for the god of mischief.

Let me explain.  Last summer, Lucifer found out that he can trip people in sandals, specifically those known as "flip-flops" or "thongs".  He'll sneak up behind someone, and just as they're taking a step, he'll step down on the sandal, making it impossible to walk.  Trust me, I know this from vast experience!  

Another thing this boy's learned is how to start a water fight.  Unfortunately, he always starts them indoors!  He takes great pleasure in watching me pour myself a glass of water.  Once I put the water jug back in the fridge and start to walk away, he'll come up behind me and smash his forehead into my cup splashing water all over me.  And then he laughs!  Oh yes, Lucifer has a great laugh!  I swear this dog came from the Jim Carey movie, "The Mask".  Remember that part where Jim's dog puts on the mask and bites that criminal in the ass?  That would be the same expression and laugh that Lucifer has everytime he plays a prank on someone.

God forbid you should put a glass of milk or a flavored coffee down on the coffee table and take your eyes off of it for more than half a second!  Yep, that 140 lb little bugger will drink it right from under your nose, and then when you get mad at him for it, he laughs! 

He takes his chewed up wrecked toys and put them on your head.  (That's Silver's fault.  We buy tobacco and roll our own cigarette's, Silv started this thing with putting the tobacco lid on Lucifer's head and calling it a "Silly Hat".)  So now he does this with his toys and then laughs about it.

Not only does this boy play practical jokes on his "owners", but he's a terrible flirt and perverted to boot.  I have a neighbor girl who has some rather good looking female friends.  As I get along with all of them, they come over to visit occassionally.  Well, the better looking of the girls get a huge kick out of it.  When these girls come over, Lucifer will give them a little love nip on their butts.  He gooses them!  Where do you think he learned that trick?  Then, when they've managed to get into the house and sit on the couch, Lucifer sits there beside them, and tries to stick his nose down the girls shirt.  He then proceeds to nip her tit giving her a hickie!  The girls laugh their heads off when he does this.  He gives them such love-struck-puppy eyes it's disgusting!  

Ok, so I've gotten really far off the topic of the day here.  I had started this off by asking if you own your pet or if he/she owns you.  Well, dammit, it's obvious, isn't it?  Your pet (for lack of a better generic term) owns you, plain and simple.  After all, he/she says it's time to go for a walk, or it's time for a pee break, or it's time for food, it's always something, right!?!  Well, who take them for walks?  Who let's them out for pee?  Who brings whom the food?  Who cleans the litter box?  Not the pet, it's the so called owner!

Do you think these critter's are going to let their owners know that they are truly the master's in this master/slave relationship?  NO they won't!  Why won't they?  Let me ask you this, if you were in a relationship with another person and that person thinks he/she owns you, but it's really the other way around, would you tell him/her and open his/her eyes to reality, or would you just let the gravy train keep rolling along smoothly?  I know what I'd do, I'll leave the train roll and let the fool keep his delusions.  And that's the same opinion that our furry little friends have.

So tell me, who is it that truly has the inferior mind?  The human who is deluded into thinking he's the master, or the pet who knows exactly how much can be gotten away with?  Humans think they have the superior mind, after all, a human can reason things out.  Well, excuse me people, how can Lucifer have such a sense of humor or such a perverted attitude when the mood strikes him if he has no capabilities of reason?

Lucifer is only one example.  I've known a dog who knew she was seeing herself in a mirror.  If her owner gave her a haircut, she'd hang her head in shame as she walked past a mirror.   BUT if she went to a proper groomer to get her hair cut she'd prance and strut in front of the mirror.  That takes reasoning!

A cat I used to have always knew exactly where I had pain and would curl herself up against that spot and start to purr.  Her warmth and the vibrations of her purrs always helped ease the pain of the affected area.  That takes reasoning!

I'll let Silv tell you about his friend Pauly, but that bird had a hell of a sense of humor as well, and that takes reasoning!

You have to be able to reason to be able to understand things.  It's not just instinct.

The only critters on this planet that are evil or malicious for the sake of it, are humans.  Now explain to me how that's reasonable.  Please explain to me how humans are the "better" species, I just can't see it!


  1. Actually I started writing a funny story about the retriever we used to have called Trep. And I ended up getting quite upset. I'm upset now.

    He had a full life what with being the family dog. But the kids all moved up to Sydney and my mother divorced my father (and she'd never really like the dog anyway. Nor us. Nor our father. Dreadful woman really). And then it was just Trep with my father. My father went melancholy mad and spent almost no time at home. And when he did he was drunk. And Trep was there at the house all by himself. He'd get fed and that was about it. I expect in his last years he had almost no human company apart from one of us kids coming home every month or two.

    And he was such a sweetheart. As thick as two planks but a heart of gold.

    Eventually I went home for the inevitable weekend of drunken tirades from the old man, and he told me that Trep's hips had gone and he couldn't get up and he'd had him put down. Maybe a month earlier. That poor fucking dog.

    He only ever had a smile on his face that dog. All he ever was, was happy to see you.

  2. I'm sorry Nobody, I hadn't meant to upset you by bringing up sad memories!

  3. Sorry mate. I wish I hadn't written it. Those last two lines ran like a mantra through my head all day and I was just shattered. Ayah! Where's my hanky?

  4. Here's a virtual hug for you (((((Nobody))))).
    Sometimes it's good to get things off your chest, so there's no need for you to apologise to me!

  5. Thanks Skye,

    Time is the ticket sure enough. Those two sentences will sit in my head and soften over time to be merely things to be regarded as part of the whole. Threads in the tapestry, kind of thing.

    Anyway, dogs are marvellous creatures. They're not called man's best friend for nothing. I'm not really a fellow given to envy, but if I was, I'd be envious of you and your 'owners' ha ha. At some point in the future I look forward to be so owned again.

  6. My wish for you, Nobody, is that when you do become so owned again, that your new owner will have as great a sense of humor and personality as you have! :)


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