...that if you were to call the fire department, that they'd be able to find your home quickly and without any problems? I sure would, trouble is, I know that's just not feasible here!
I live in a small town of about 6500 people, with the town itself measuring out to approximately 1.5 square miles. You would think it would be rather difficult to get lost here, what with numbered streets running north and south and named streets going east and west, granted there are a few exceptions to the named streets, with a couple of them running north and south as well.
Our firedepartment consists of a paid chief who also has a real full time job and roughly 35 volunteers, also all having real jobs outside of being on call 24/7. Irregardless of the fact that they all work outside of the firedepartment, you would think that the chief at the very least would need to know what streets were where and how to get to the different appartments, homes, row-houses, etc. Well, he doesn't! I doubt he's ever studied a map of this town!
Imagine my surprise just a few short months ago. Silv was here and we were both goofing around on our computers and trying to decide what we wanted to do for supper, Munchkin (my kid) was at the kitchen table working on some homework. The dogs started going nuts and I heard someone on the front deck. Sure enough, when I got up to look, I saw the firechief and one of his croonies on my deck and the first response truck in the parking lot. I opened the door and asked if I could help them. The first thing the chief said to me was, "Did you know your doorbell's not working?" I replied in my typical smartass fashion, "Yeah," says I, "That would be why I have this sign on my door saying 'Doorbell disconnected, Please knock'.".
"Oh," says he, "Well, I was wondering if this is #7-*** ****** Avenue" say's he. "No, it's #7-*** ****** Lane" I reply.
"So, you don't have a fire here?"
"Not that I'm aware of, why?"
"We got a call saying there's a fire at this address"
"Well, it wouldn't be this address if you're looking for #7-*** ****** Ave now would it?"
"No, I suppose it wouldn't be. You wouldn't happen to know where that address is, would you?"
Ok, the firechief is asking me directions for a street that runs north and south, not named even remotely similiar to the street that I live on which runs east and west. I looked at him totally confused, like really, I'm supposed to know which apartment building is which? Isn't that his job? So I pointed out to him that there are 2 apartment buildings north either of which he could be looking for, or perhaps it's any one of the 3 south of where we were, but seeing as I didn't know anybody living in any one of those apartment complexes, I really couldn't help him much. I asked him if he knew if he were looking for apartments or row-housing, because that would narrow down his search somewhat. He said a second floor apartment. I'm wondering at this point just why exactly he thought that my row-house which has a basement, mainfloor and upstairs would be a second floor apartment.
By now, you can just imagine how confused I am, first off, I get confused easily by people who are not exactly smart. Secondly, I get confused by the fact that government officials would hire such stupid people to keep the community safe. *Insert forhead slap here* DOH! Obviously what I was thinking was an oxy moron! Government officials are stupid themselves, they wouldn't recognize the stupidity of others, how dumb can I be sometimes!?!
With my confusion somewhat cleared up, I sent the chief on his way. What else could I do? I didn't know where the place was that he was looking for, sheesh. As he turns to walk away, I hear a call come in on his radio. "Chief, where are ya at? We're at the apartment, nothing serious, just a burnt supper in the oven!"
I closed my door and started to laugh. I laughed so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. Silv of course asked what that was all about, seeing as he was inside the whole time, while I had carried out this conversation out on my deck.
Wiping tears from my eyes I looked over at Silv, and said "Pray you never have to call the firedepartment! If they can't find an apartment here in town, there's no way they'll ever be able to find your place out in the country!"