Monday, February 9, 2009

VIAGRA SPILL REVIVES LAKE MICHIGAN

Once-Cold and Torpid, Waterway Now Greatest of Great Lakes

A freighter containing 62,000 metric tons of popular impotence drug Viagra struck a reef and sank in Lake Michigan today. As a result, the once-frigid lake no longer dangles into Illinois and Indiana, but now spans majestically across northern Wisconsin. 

According to eyewitnesses, roughly 30 to 60 minutes after the ship's contents dissolved, the lake slowly but firmly began to push northwest toward Minnesota. Eventually, its swollen banks managed to poke aside Lake Superior, which cartographers said will lose its standing as the largest of the Great Lakes for the next four to six hours. 

Area residents were surprised by the sudden shift, but conceded Michigan was "like an entirely new lake." 

"For so many years that lake just, you know, sat there," said Martha Strop of Eau Claire, Wisc. "To be honest, I never even thought about it anymore. There wasn't much of a point. But now, well, this has changed our lives forever." 

Government officials, however, were more cautious. 

In Wisconsin, Gov. Jim Doyle declared a state of emergency, while in Minnesota, Gov. Tim Pawlenty declared: "Is Lake Michigan a threat, or is it just glad to see me?"

10 comments:

  1. It's just a good thing that it didn't happen in one of the other great lakes as that would have been just fucking Erie.

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  2. Hee hee. Eau Claire?? I'm sending this off to my relatives that live there!
    By next week your town in Manitoba will be world reknown!

    Skye, I think you've missed your calling! Very Clever!

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  3. Silv, what can I say, but "groan". Granted, it is one of your better puns!

    KJ, thank you, I hope your family enjoys it as much as you did!

    Penny, I'm glad it got you laughing, it is the best medicine after all!

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  4. Well Brazen, Lake Michigan never really had anything going for it ;)

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  5. Absolutely wonderful. What a mind you have. I loved this. I am stumbling this now!

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  6. Oh good grief Skye - that was funny!!

    Did anyone find any horny toads in the newly created Wetlands?

    ;P

    Buff

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  7. ROFL I'm sure they found lots of Horny Toads and so much more, Buffy!

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