Just a day or two before Munchkin and Silver met, she had pulled a knife on me and said she was going to kill me, and then she'd cut herself up till she bled to death. I didn't know what to do, so I just grabbed the knife out of her hand, grabbed her and held tight while she screamed and fought me off like a tiger. I just kept telling her I loved her, and somehow we'd fix what was wrong with us. I think it had taken 2 hours to get her calmed down, that was the scariest night of my life, and all I could think was "How much worse is this going to get before we can make it better?"
The weekend prior to that, she had broken her bed for the second time on return from her father's, in a rage at him for having been drunk all weekend again. Somehow, I just couldn't get too overly upset with her for that.
I knew though that something had to be done. I also knew I wasn't a very good parent. What I didn't know was how to fix any of it. I knew too that I needed better parenting skills, but where do I go for that? My parents? I don't think so, I didn't get anything good from them to begin with obviously! The doctor's? Apparently not, as all they did was medicate us. I knew Munchkin and I needed help, but everything I did made things worse. She was now up to 100 mg of Serequil per dose, and I was at my wits end.
I asked Silver about getting help, but didn't really think he'd know as he didn't have kids, but that just goes to show how little I knew about him at that time.
I wish I had the vocabulary to explain all that Silver has taught me about first and foremost being a woman. Secondly, about liking who I am, and more importantly accepting it. He also taught me about being a parent, and about what it means to be a single mother (you'd be surprised how different that is from being a parent). And last, but most definitely not the least, what it means to be a lover! It's amazing how tied together these all are and yet how separate. I'm still learning in all these areas, and I'm sure I will be till I die, but at least now I know how to learn!
I think the biggest thing I have learned so far is that without love and respect for myself, I can not show it to anyone else, nor and more importantly, teach Munchkin how to love and respect herself or anyone else.
I seem to have gotten off track here a bit and yet at the same time, I haven't. Once Silver took it upon himself to teach us, he had me talk to Munchkins teacher and have her watch for changes in her behavior at school. I also had her watch for consistencies.
One of the first things Mme C noticed was Munchkins withdrawn, almost to the point of appearing sick, behavior every other Friday. Well that coincided with her visits to her father on the following Saturdays. Another thing Mme C made a note of was Munchkins being a bully to her and her classmates the following Mondays to Wednesdays or Thursdays. Her behavior in school became so predictable that Mme C had Munchkin assigned a "Big Sister" so she could spend an hour with her every week and get a lot of her frustrations off her chest.
Thanks to Silver, the school and I became a team in helping Munchkin learn to express herself in a beneficial manner.
After that, the only problem we really had was how whatever Munchkin would learn at home and school in the 2 weeks without her father, was completely undermined in the 2 days with him. It was 1 step forward, and sometimes 5 steps back. I must say, that was quite frustrating to say the least.
In case you didn't know, I have Munchkin in French Immersion because she was bored with school, getting her work done before the rest of the class, and would then become disruptive. Since regular English classes were too easy, I made the decision to transfer her to French. Well, unfortunately, that is starting to become too easy for her as well. When it comes to the sciences and math's, she is still finished long before her classmates and she begins to distract the others from their work, but at least the teacher understands this and has her do some French reading lessons.
After one particular weekend with her father, Munchkin went back to school on the following Monday, looked Mme C in the eye and said, "My father says French is for stupid people and I'm not supposed to listen to you anymore!" Mme C just let it go at that, left Munchkin to her own devices for the day, and let me know what happened. That got her a much-deserved smack when she got home from school, and of course it took the rest of that week as well as the next week to re-train her.
That all happened in the beginning of Grade 2, by the end of the school year, Munchkin had learned so much about her father, that she realized how much better off she was without her father in her life.
Backtracking again, (yes I'm bad at keeping things chronological), I should remember to tell you that the very first thing Silver had me do was wean Munchkin off the Seroquel which in turn ended her breathing problems, not so surprising I suppose! Then he threw out my Amytriptiline and I thought he was nuts until I started to get better of course!
It was last May/June that Munchkin decided her father was no longer part of her life. That came 1 year after Silver entered our lives. Now one year without Munchkin's father we have indeed become a family. Yes Munchkin is still an 8 year old, acting as 8 year olds do, but without all the previous drama. She and I are no longer a dysfunctional family, we're finally happy!
Thank you Silver, I know I don't say it enough!
Remember that I wrote these over 2 years ago :-)*
Munchkin is now a thriving 10 year-old-going-on 30 year old...lol. The biggest regret she has is that Silver is not her actual father. As a matter of fact, her biological father calls once a year to talk to her and convince her to go to his house. Usually she refuses to take the phone, this time however, she didn't, she actually talked to him! Guess what she said!?!
If you guessed that she told him not to call anymore, that she has a real Dad now, you'd be right.
There Nobody, that's the kick-in-the-teeth that the ex got from Silver, and I dare say, it couldn't have been a better one!